you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i think i just lost a toe
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
