You just made me feel so damn special
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
