Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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