i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
did you just send me my own nude
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
