now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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