Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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