I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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