at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
