if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize