well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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