Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
