my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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