you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
