GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
