I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
