I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
