1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
