my sisters under your porch take her home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
