she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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