so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
