hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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