ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
