I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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