Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
