Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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