Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
