im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't EVER smell your tampon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
