The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
