the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
