Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize