My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
