im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize