She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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