she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
