so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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