Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
