i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
