Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
