so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
