Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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