He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
