Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
