I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
