i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
