I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
