You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
