So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize