Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
