I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
