i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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