u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she peed on how many people?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
