I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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