why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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