Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
