Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could fuck to npr.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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