Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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