This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drake has all the answers
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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