apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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