it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
