we made out on top of his cat.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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