dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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