I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
