I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
