we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
