I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
