i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
