i was born a porn star she said
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
