Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
