i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A+ Viking dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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