That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
