Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This baby is an asshole
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
